First, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Austin, and I grew up in Southern California. I have two sisters (One younger and one older). All throughout my entire childhood, my family was involved in church. We went to bible studies, missions trips, christian camp, you name it. This entire time, I was told that because I attended church, did not curse, read my bible every once in a while (even had some verses memorized!), and once said a prayer admitting that Jesus is Gods son, that I was saved from hell.
When high school came around, A whole new world opened up. I had friends who actually had CARS! I began to hang out with people that didn't know my parents! It was wonderful! I met new people who had completely different ideas than my own. Different from any that I had heard during my fairly sheltered upbringing. Since my faith was founded mostly on the teachings of men and church, I began to go my own path, and completely stopped following all the teachings of the bible.
After I graduated high school in 2001, I had absolutely no direction in life. My grades were OK, but not good enough to get into any respectable college without shelling out massive amounts of money, and I definitely didn't want to start flipping burgers! A few months after high school graduation, I did what a lot of young guys in my position do. I joined the military. Marine Corps to be exact. Fast forward a few years and I find myself inside an M1A1 Main Battle Tank, about to cross the Kuwait/Iraq border to kick off the invasion. If there is anything in this world that will get everyone praying to God, it is war.Far far away from any church, or pastor, I found Jesus Christ. He met me right there in the 130 degree weather, inside my tank during combat operations. Looking back it amazes me how stubborn I was for it to take that for me to finally accept the fact that I need Him! The incredible peace that I felt can not be described. Explosions, fear, horror and death all around me, yet I feel such peace and love that any words I can use right now to try to explain it would not even come close to doing so. At that moment I knew what truth was. Jesus Christ, and Him alone is complete truth, love, compassion and salvation. He told me that I had nothing to fear because I was going to survive this and go home. He had plans for my life.
After coming home I had an unquenchable thirst for Christ. I began reading my bible feverishly. Reading any christian book I could get my hands on. After all, this is what I had been taught my entire life what to do if you wanted to get to know God. That fire began to die down inside me. Within a few months, I was back to drinking hard, and doing drugs. I couldn't understand what had happened... Why had I fallen back into my old ways? Why did that fire I felt burning inside (now I know this was the Holy Spirit) me die out? I could feel a small pulling at the back of my heart telling me that I needed to do something, but what?
I went AWOL from the Marine Corps because they had given me a drug test, and I knew I was going to fail. I was addicted to meth, and living in a flop house for 6 months while AWOL from the Marines. I knew that I had to get off of this horrible drug, and that I was always going to be running from the law while AWOL, so I decided to turn myself in. I did so, and was sentenced to 60 days in the brig (military prison). For some reason I had kept a bible among my meager possessions. One night, while laying on my bed going through withdraws, I began to cry out to Jesus. "I need you Jesus! I hate what I have become! I am a wretch and I hate all the evil things that I do! I need you Lord!" That is when for the second time in my life, Jesus Christ came and saved me. I felt broken. I felt how how horrible my sins made Him feel. Not simply because I was not following His commandments, but because He knows they will send me to hell. Such peace! Such love! Such compassion and mercy! My craving for meth was completely gone. No more withdraws, no more want for it. Jesus Christ had completely healed me. Once again I began to grow closer to him while far away from church and the teachings of men. I was happy. In prison, and full of joy!
After being released from confinement, and released from the Marines with a bad conduct discharge, I began going to church again. This time I am going to do it right! I'm going to go to church 4 times a week and read my bible an hour a day at least! Once again, I began to fall away. The fire started dying out. Sin didn't disgust me anymore, and I began to fall back into my old ways. Drinking, doing drugs, and womanizing was my life. I always claimed to be a christian, but simply not sinning was too hard, too boring, and just really didn't seem possible.
A few weeks ago while laying in bed after waking up at 4 PM, because I had stayed up until 7 AM the night before, I began to pray. "I am sick of this life. I am sick of my wickedness. I am completely broken and empty inside, and nothing I do will fill that expect you Jesus. I know this to be true and I am willing to do whatever it takes for you to be in my life once again.". Jesus answered, but it definitely wasn't the answer that I had expected. The last few times in my life when I felt this broken and hopeless, He had flooded me with love, and mercy and kindness. This time I felt fear. I was scared of what would happen if I didn't not obey Him. He is king of kings and ruler of the universe, who had come and saved me twice through his mercy, and I had turned my back on Him immediately after both times. I fell flat on my face on the floor of my room, too scared to move. He had shown me a minuscule fraction of His glory and I was TERRIFIED. He told me to get rid of all the distractions I had, because He wanted me to SERVE Him and Him alone. If He was to save me again, I would have to give my entire life over to Him. EVERY moment of EVERY day is what He demands for salvation. I agreed to these terms of surrender and immediately got up and began to throw away most of my possessions. My books, computer, most of my clothing, all in the trash.
Since then I have grown closer to Christ than I ever thought possible. He talks to me every moment of every day through His Holy Spirit. That joy and peace I felt for short moments in the past are now constant in my life as I obey Him. He demands nothing less of everyone who wants to be saved from sin and death. It is not about the Bible. The Bible is meant to guide us towards Christ Himself. It is not about church. They turn people away from serving Him, and turn them into people who serve the church. You can not love the things of this world and love God. You love one and hate the other. You are for Him or against Him. It is God or Satan. We must decide.
